you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
