We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
