morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
