I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize