All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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