Sponge bath it is.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
