And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
