i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
