Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
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just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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