totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
