A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize