I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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