Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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