Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
