now i know why i became what i already was.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
