one two three fourrrrnication!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
