i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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