Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
