I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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