i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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