She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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