I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
