I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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