My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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