Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
