My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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