Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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