Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
