There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize