tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
