I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He felt like a one man threesome
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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