You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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