i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
