I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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