frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
