i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
