So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize