i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
