i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
