i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
