I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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