Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he fucked my hip out of place.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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