I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
