that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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