College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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