Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
