Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
