Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
