Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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