Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
