I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
