If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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