My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
