Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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