yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
