butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
