He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?