Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like