He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.