Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
