Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

(865): View more from Tennessee

the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

(865): View more from Tennessee

this medicine is soooo good.

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(865): i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone. (865): the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now" (865): this medicine is soooo good. http://tfl.nu/gt3j

Replies (3) Good night (1702) Bad night (569)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.

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(504): Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time. http://tfl.nu/sw6g

Replies (18) Good night (805) Bad night (1855)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day

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(225): He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day http://tfl.nu/y67c

Replies (42) Good night (3947) Bad night (6757)
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(415): View more from California

I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?

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(415): I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first? http://tfl.nu/brke

Replies (9) Good night (4972) Bad night (610)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes

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(902): You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes http://tfl.nu/flaw

Replies (26) Good night (2059) Bad night (4329)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.

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(919): everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle. http://tfl.nu/lm2e

Replies (13) Good night (3743) Bad night (1478)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

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(717): ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk. http://tfl.nu/2qzx

Replies (4) Good night (1958) Bad night (880)
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(905): View more from Ontario

No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.

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(905): No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created. http://tfl.nu/pt0u

Replies (7) Good night (2091) Bad night (1086)
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(310): View more from California

Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.

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(310): Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth. http://tfl.nu/zdvm

Replies (5) Good night (1104) Bad night (609)
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(210): View more from Texas

I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.

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(210): I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted. http://tfl.nu/x81s

Replies (8) Good night (551) Bad night (1178)
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(415): View more from California

Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.

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(415): Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me. http://tfl.nu/brt4

Replies (5) Good night (1147) Bad night (422)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.

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(250): If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you. http://tfl.nu/tnhh

Replies (6) Good night (1145) Bad night (446)
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(541): View more from Oregon

And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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(541): And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual. http://tfl.nu/zw2q

Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (321)
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(713): View more from Texas

Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.

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(713): Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night. http://tfl.nu/xad2

Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (254)
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(904): View more from Florida

I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.

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(904): I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic. http://tfl.nu/k23m

Replies (1) Good night (446) Bad night (282)

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