Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
