We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
