new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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