I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
