the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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