We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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