I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
