I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
