I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
