That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
