What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
