Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
