Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
