she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
