There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
