oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
