Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
