Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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