I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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