shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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