blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
