You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
