there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
