My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
