I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
