okay pat passed out under dana's car
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
